


HUMPHREY

by jhsdhalr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-16
Updated: 2012-05-16
Packaged: 2017-11-05 11:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhsdhalr/pseuds/jhsdhalr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little piece by me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HUMPHREY

Sometimes Sherlock would disappear into his room without any explanation. Often he would be in there for as long as an hour, with the door locked. John inevitably wondered what on earth he did in there. Shouting through the locked door was no use as Sherlock didn't answer, so John tried listening by pressing his ear against the door. All he could hear, most times, was heavy breathing and the occasional gasp. John concluded that Sherlock, despite trying to convince everyone he was asexual, was jerking off. One day, John simply took the key from Sherlock's door and lost it. He wondered why he hadn't done that before.

"Where's the key to my door?" Sherlock asked that evening.

"What d'you want it for?" John asked "I wont come in if you don't want me to."

"I need absolute privacy" said Sherlock "so where's the key? I know you have it."

"I lost it" said John, truthfully "we're friends, we don't need locked doors, I never lock my door."

"Well" said Sherlock "I'll use your room instead and I don't believe for a moment you lost a door key. You're just curious."

"You're not using my room for one of your experiments" John informed him firmly "and I admit to being curious. You would be too if I kept going into my room and locking the door."

Sherlock gave a huge sigh. "I need some time alone" he said "it's for a necessary function."

"What sort of necessary function?" asked John.

Sherlock gave another sigh and snapped "If you must know I need to spend some quality time with Humphrey."

"Humphrey?" John asked "who's Humphrey?"

"You really can be quite dense at times, John" said Sherlock "Humphrey is my penis, of course."

John started to laugh. "You call your penis Humphrey?" he gasped out, laughing so much he was actually crying "that's so weird. I can't even begin to tell you how weird that is."

Sherlock looked quite injured. "What d'you call yours then? "he asked "everyone calls them something."

"I've never given it a name" John laughed "and if I did it wouldn't be anything like Humphrey."

"I don't see what's wrong with Humphrey" said Sherlock "Mycroft calls his King Arthur."

John fell onto the floor in a heap and laughed even harder. He was laughing so much his sides started to ache. Sherlock just stood looking surprised and slightly bewildered, which made John laugh even more. 

"I fail to see the humor in naming your penis Humphrey, or King Arthur or anything else really" said Sherlock haughtily "I believe it's quite a common practice. Now give me your door key."

John got up off the floor with difficulty, and found a tissue to wipe his eyes and chin and neck and all the other parts of him that were damp from his laughter. "You are the greatest, Sherlock" he babbled, after a moment "you're a constant wonder to me."

"I agree" said Sherlock, producing a slight smile "I am the greatest. Now, will you give me that key so I can go to your room because Humphrey is getting impatient."

"You can only use my room if I'm in it with you" said John "I'm sure Humphrey would love an audience and I know Brian would like it too."

Sherlock looked momentarily blank. "Who's Brian?" he asked.

"Oh Sherlock" said John "you really can be quite dense at times, who d'you think Brian is?"

Sherlock suddenly blushed a fiery red. "Oh" he said "Brian. That Brian."

"Yes" said John "and I think, to be honest, that Brian and Humphrey should become acquainted, don't you?"

Sherlock looked at John and then started toward the stairs to John's room. "Why not?" he said.

The End.


End file.
